That's Jokes

[bertoni]

Chap goes into a greasy spoon and the geezer behind the counter asks what he wants.

"I'll have a full english please mate…but I want the fried egg burnt to a crisp on the bottom and hard in the middle and totally raw on top. I'd like the bacon so crispy that it flies all over the place as soon as I put me fork in it. I'd like the sausages hard and chewy on the outside but uncooked and pink on the inside, the fried bread so black it tastes of coal and the tomatoes ....

Bloke behind the counter: Hold up hold up! I ain't got time to do all that!"

Customer: "Well you fuckin found time yesterday!"

[Geo]

that was IJ's first effort . . .

[Seul]

When the elephant was still cooking…

[Geo]

. . . well they do take a little bit more time . . .

[Guest]

cool joke Geo,,,

[Seul]

@Geo:

. . . well they do take a little bit more time . . .

You try making an omelette with a trunk…

[Guest]

nah Seul,,you need eggs

[Seul]

Oh everyone's a comedian here innit!.. 

[Guest]

well its a joke page ,,so in fer a penny m8

[Guest]

my attempt,,what can run down corridors ,,but cant turn corners,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

a nun with a javelin thru her head

[Guest]

Seul and Geo sitting on a park bench on a blazin hot day,,,a female streaker jogs past,,,Seul has a stroke,,,,,Geo couldnt reach

[Geo]

[bertoni]

[Seul]

It was more of a spank really… She actually yelled 'Try and catch me boys' and what with Geo's lungs quantity being halfed, I didn't think it very appropriate...

[Geo]

i've been a half capacity since i was 4 . . . no worries on my part . . . you're just trying to big yourself up 

[Seul]

That's what she said…

[Geo]

[Guest]

Geo gets captured by the Indians,,,after hours of harsh torture ,the Chief injun approaches,,
do you wish to be free Scotsman.to which Geo replies
too fekkin right..
well says the Injun chief,to gain your freedom you must complete three arduous tasks
Geo thinks fer a while,,,
Fekk it,,ill take yer tasks
task one,the Injun chief says,,,
is you must outdrink my son,,the greatest drinker in our tribe,,no man has beaten him
piece of pish,,Geo replies
second task,,is to go out into the woods and search out the cave of The Great Bear,,where you will fight/kill him and bring back one of his teeth
Nae probs,,Geo replies
third task,is you must make passionate love with the ugliest squaw in my tribe,if you survive all tasks you will be set free
Bring it the fekk on,,says Geo

the next day Geo is brought out,,and is sat down in front of the Injun chiefs son,,next to them both is a cauldron full of the nastiest brew going and two cups
Begin,,shouts Injun chief,,
they both begin swiggin down the foul brew,,cup after cup goes down,,till eventually,,,,the Injun chiefs son keels over ,,,
Geo gets up,,and heads off into the woods,,after about 30mins or so,,there is an almighty roar
task 2 has begun ,,the Injun chief says
  all you can hear are earpeircing screams,,mighty roars,,,shouting,,,swearing,,,,,,,then silence,,,,,,the Injun chief sends one of his tribe to fetch news of 2nd task,,
then at the edge of the woods,,,,,Geo appears,,,clothes shredded,,,ear flapping in the breeze,,,covered in blood/snot and whatever,,,,then at the top of his voice
Geo shouts,,,NOW WHERE IS THAT FEKKIN SQUAW WITH THE BAD TOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!

[Geo]

brilliant 

[Guest]

ya like that one,,,,took me fekkin ages to type