When you suddenly feel old —
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I have frequent discussions with P around why I don't want to spend time with people I don't get along with/have zero in common with/think are twats, she thinks I should make an effort. Life's too fucking short......
"OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011
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@injunjack dude fuck yea. I'm with you. We're all just kids in aging bodies. I still cant wait to bail from work and get into some fun. I sit in meetings and look around at all the people taking themselves too seriously, and all I see is the kid they were when they were 8 and how they'd laugh at what they've become. Not to judge others, but to give myself some perspective to work with. I think we all kinda fake-it-till-ya-make-it to some degree. We get in to character to 'succeed', but some people get stuck in that role and forget to turn it off and play.
I agree with Giles that it's a state of mind. It's almost a choice to stop having fun, but that's the most important thing.
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We had a 40th birthday party for a friend at this food hall that is definitely a meat market for people in their 20s (we wanted to host at a posh cocktail bar but were overridden). It’s a first come first served seating situation. We were holding a block of seats for our crew and some young ladies came by and asked if seats were taken. We said they were and as they left they saw some of the 40th birthday paraphernalia and one of them scoffed “40?! shudder” to the other.
Didn’t make me feel old (I’m closer to 50) but it did make me feel right about the cocktail bar being the appropriate venue. And I did give my wife and me a good chuckle.
You should be so lucky, ladies, to be celebrating your own 40th in a couple decades.
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@mclaincausey "you should be so lucky..." damn right. one day.
This also reminds me of the moment in Lucky Number Slevin:
Nick:
There was a time?Smith:
Mm-hmm. Take Brown Sugar back there, for example. [indicates elderly woman] She's pretty f***ing foxy, right?Nick:
[pause] She's seventy.Smith:
If she's a day. But there was a time. -
This show, Still Game, is one of my all-time favorites, and makes me look forward to those days in the future -- should I be so lucky to get them --
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@Giles I’ve had the same realization lately and have, for lack of a better phrase, opted out of the relationships with people I don’t have anything in common with. Being friends with some of them was actually a negative experience, but for some reason I felt some obligation to keep it going.
When I was young, I loved having as many friends as possible. Now I really appreciate having a core crew of friends I really love and trust. Hollow relationships? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
WTB
IHSH-IHG-BLK XXL
Sugar Cane Coke Stripe SS L charcoal -
@popvulture reminds me of this new song by a favorite artist of mine
And
Wtb
Brown striped hairline duck - ihsh-92 - XL
White wabash - ihsh-62 - xxl or xl
Studio D’ARTISAN x denimio beach cloth shirt - xl/xxl -
@popvulture as an introvert, that resonates with me. I’m certainly sociable and have plenty of friends, but socializing, while entertaining, is also draining, and I need my solitude (which can include my wife, dog, and kid). I don’t reach out even to close friends too often but we pick up where we left off when we get together. I think they know me well enough to understand I’m not someone to pick up the phone and talk; we will chat when we see each other. And the acquaintances that aren’t of interest just kind of take care of themselves since I don’t engage. I have zero tolerance for manufactured drama (and plenty of sympathy/empathy, patience, compassion, and desire to help when there is a legitimate mess), and that probably the fastest way to exit my friend zone. I got my own shit to deal with
and I’ve been this “old” curmudgeon since I was young.Think it, be it.
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@mclaincausey I totally feel you on all of that, especially the draining bit (god I need a recharge SO badly after social things) and the friendships that pick up where they last left off. Regarding the latter, that's the basis of all my closest friendships; nobody gets pissy if the other doesn't call, and when we see each other it's easy-peasy. I also have zero room for drama. Gettin' too old for that shit!
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@jfk1117 I'm not familiar, will check it out!
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@popvulture totally understand that... I always played the extrovert when I was younger and tried to be the life of every party until I found out it was all an excuse to not deal with my fears... Now I hang out with the same guys and girls like back in school, know most of them for 20 years and are not interested in expanding this circle of 10 people I really care about. I'm good with people and always find something to talk about with most of them but it's exhausting.
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@mclaincausey man, I’m a total introvert myself. I’ve actually been through therapy trying to figure out why I’m so damn cranky sometimes. Being an introvert isn’t necessarily about being a wallflower in social situations. It’s about the amount of recovery time one needs after exhausting themselves socially, exactly as you mentioned.
The challenge for me is how much energy my job takes from me daily. Teaching is like a nonstop performance all day long. Empathically taking on the energy and emotions of every student and giving them my own energy to help them through their challenges. When I get home my gas tank is on empty everyday. It leaves very little patience for dealing with domestic frustrations and communication break downs. I’ve spent all that at work.
I need to have alone time for the first hour or so when I get home. Usually taking Carl to the park to walk around and get some fresh air and exercise.
The older I get I’m finding I have less to give my students. Which is why I know I’ve made the right choice to move into a new role next year. For the sake of my students and my own family.
WTB
IHSH 301 large -
@Mizmazzle that tracks. I love kids but it would be unimaginably exhausting to spend that kind of time with them. I’d just want to come home and get pixilated every day.
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@Mizmazzle preach dawg...I was just telling this concept to my wife the other day after work. Teaching is incredibly mentally exhausting. Every dang day.
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Interesting. You hear the same thing sometimes about performers. Painfully shy and nervous before going on stage even decades into careers, then offering no evidence of trepidation or insecurity in performance. Sometimes it seems like they’re so stage afraid you’d wonder why they chose the career; some people just have to unleash their muses I suppose.
I’ve had that sense before addressing audiences before but usually not too bad thankfully.
