Parenting
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There’s an instinct to cultivate a work ethic, but don’t position allowance transactionally as a reward for doing chores or being good, and instead characterize things like chores as just the things that the family does.
Be careful with praise, as too much can encourage attention-seeking / acting out behaviors. Also be specific with praise, how you like how they did something, versus “good boy/good girl”
Instead of correcting unwanted behaviors, ask about alternative, desirable behaviors; “wouldn’t you rather…?” Or “how about you try…?”
Think it, be it.
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@mclaincausey so clean your room or I’m going to beat your ass isn’t appropriate? Just joking, although I have had that internal conversation with myself a few times…
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Great topic here. My kid just turned 19 months old yesterday. The only advice I can give is try not to wait until you are 46 to have a kid!
my wife and I weren’t on the same page about having a kid and it took a few years until we were both ready to dive in. Im glad we waited because it takes both of us at 100% to make it work. It also takes my parents helping and my sister and her husband, and anyone else who wants to throw their hat in the ring! -
@deanclean Being an older parent is great and I always tell people that at 20 I didn’t have the patience, 30 I didn’t have the time, and 40 I didn’t have the energy.
But to tell you the truth, I’ve had my fun, made mistakes and learned from them, and now am able to enjoy kids and life in ways I never could have when I was younger.
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@mclaincausey said in Parenting:
Also be specific with praise, how you like how they did something, versus “good boy/good girl”
I really like this point!
If you say "good boy/girl" when they do something right, they might think that they're a bad person when they don't do something well. Praising the behavior instead of the person disassociates praise from their worth as a person, which hopefully keeps them from becoming people pleasers.
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@Paul9221 also, what i’ll do is when they do something that was better not doing i’ll ask why they did it. Cause maybe in there eyes it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. You give them a chance to explain. Also i can explain my point of view. Also the question: did you understand that? Is a good one. Cause when they’ll do it again you can recall on the agreement you had made before.
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I would encourage all parents to give this one a listen: https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/happier-parents-happier-kids-pt-1-your-child-isnt-a-vip-or-a-fragile-vase
Really takes down a lot of the helicopter and lawnmower parenting styles that have emerged over the past several decades.
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@mclaincausey We love her podcast and I will for sure check those out. A book we like was “The Gift of Failure” by Jessica Lahey. Totally along those same lines I’m guessing.
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@mclaincausey same.
I would much prefer not to have a mini me.I think the term at the time for me as a wee one was a combination of "active" and "busy"
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@EdH they're crafty little buggers
